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Screaming at the White Elephants I grew up in a family that rarely spoke plainly. We danced around issues, mastered innuendo and communicated in a code so heavily encrypted, no one knew what anyone else was really saying. I became a master at pretending everything was just fine. It was as if an enormous White Elephant followed me around, and I simply ignored it. If I have learned nothing else from the thirty odd years of my life, it's that White Elephants never, ever go away. Tip-toeing around emotionally charged conversations, avoiding confrontations, and choosing politeness over honesty does nothing but feed the Elephant. The tension grows until finally, I reach such a level of discomfort, I feel as if I will explode. I can tell when I'm heading for a fall. My body becomes a cornucopia of warning signals; my head pounds, my stomach knots, my back muscles go into spasm, my jaw clenches, my shoulders tense. It is pretty clear the truth has to come out. So, why not just spit it out from the start? There are 'The Rules'to consider first. You know which rules I mean. Most of us grow up hearing them. Always be polite. Consider the other person's feelings first. Ladies don't yell. Don't make a scene. Don't argue. Be nice. 'The Rules' are both emotionally crippling as well as perfect fodder for White Elephants. I've yet to discover the antidote for 'The Rules', but I'm learning to live with a compromise. When I feel the warning signals coming on, I gather my thoughts, giving myself time to cool down enough to be comprehensible and declare in no uncertain terms "We have a problem here..." It's remarkable how quickly that Elephant disappears upon hearing those five words." Catie Gosselin, is editor/owner of WomanLinks.com; a community of suport, spirituality and empowerment for all women.
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