T.I.P.S. - To Improve Pay and Success
The Influence of Others
This cousin appears to be allowing her loved ones to influence, and perhaps to dictate, a very important decision. Women are more likely to make our decisions based on the input of others. (See Each of Us, Chapter 1) We are more likely to be concerned about pleasing others than are the men around us. Maybe we can argue that a selfless attitude is important to our families and loved ones. However, we need to recognize when our decisions affect others, and when they do not. When a decision is yours alone, make it yourself. If your decision does not influence the lives of those around you, don’t allow their attitudes to influence you. They will be there with their opinions, maybe even to laugh at some of your options. It has nothing to do with the sound advice of experts. It’s just the opinion of people who will love you no matter what you decide. Since we are all used to accommodating others in many areas of our lives, the distinction can be hard. But those around you are not living your life, doing your work. Look to yourself for the answer, and don’t be the one to narrow your horizons. Each of us has much to offer. Awareness is the first step. Small adjustments make a big difference.
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Jenny recently introduced me to her cousin,
who was going through a divorce and was making career decisions
as a result. She had been a homemaker for many years and had
no formal training beyond high school. She was considering various
kinds of training programs. When I suggested that she consider
becoming an electrician or plumber, Jenny laughed out loud. "I
just can’t see her doing
that." Jenny’s cousin never voiced her feelings about
my suggestion. The discussion immediately returned to training
for more "female-appropriate" jobs.