Listening As a Negotiating Tactic

We have far from exhausted the important subject of negotiating, and I would like to cover listening as a negotiating technique.

Of course, listening is important in all our interactions. It is difficult for many men and women to do it well. As we negotiate, none of our strategies will work if we are not on the same page with our opponent. Yes, we are in an oppositional situation if we are negotiating.

Listen carefully to what is said. Do not try to formulate a response as the speaker speaks, just concentrate on what is said. Remaining calm helps a lot. If we become defensive or upset, we will become poor listeners. Put your feelings aside and hone in one what is said.

As you listen, try to avoid nodding your head in agreement. This is a very common female technique. We nod to indicate that we understand what is being said. This can be interpreted as agreeing with what is being said. I read about a woman who was denied a promotion because she nodded during negotiations.

Repeat what is heard back to the speaker. This may sound redundant, but everyone is impressed with what they say, the person you’re negotiating with is no exception. Repeating it back, whether it’s word for word, or paraphrasing, will help to clarify. Don’t make assumptions and repeat back your assumptions, just clarify.

This clarification may help reinforce your opponent’s position, or it may help him/her decide they didn’t really mean what they said. Either way, you have established yourself as someone who comprehends what is said. Once your opponent’s position is agreed upon, then and only then can you formulate your response. Awareness is the first step. Small adjustments make a big difference.